time with God

I think most of you know, but maybe not; since I’ve been here I’ve had some pretty intense sadness. I’ve mourned what I’ve left behind, namely friendships, a city I grew to love, some great Bible study girls, comforts, familiarity, family. Here it’s different; it’s really different. Most things are not comfortable, ordering a Cola light can be hard, you think the hard part is over, and then she asks if you want it cold, but you don’t know that phrase yet, I think I just usually look like a deer in the headlights. I usually just stand in shock, until she pipes up in english, or points out something that I know what she means. It’s so humbling.

This morning I woke up early for a Saturday (7:30ish). A friend called, and so I had a chance to talk for a couple of hours until it got too extremely late in the US and he had to go to sleep. I knew I had a few hours before my roommates woke up and so I ventured into the kitchen for breakfast and some coffee and I sat down with a book that I believe Jesus wanted me to read. The book, “Lord, Only You Can Change Me” focuses on the beatitudes and so far I’ve only looked at Matthew 5:13, blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. I’ve never before known what this meant. But through studying and looking further it really just means blessed are those who fully depend on the Lord. This is perfect for me at this time in my life.

Get this, Kay Arthur writes, “‘To work out your salvation’” means to carry out to completion that which God desires to accomplish in you. And He will not only give you the ability to do it, He will give you the will to do it (Phil 2:13). For this reason, walking in poverty of spirit means allowing God to have full rein within you life. To control you. It means going where He wants you to go. Saying all He wants you to say. Being all He wants you to be. The bottom line? Those who are poor in spirit walk in total dependence upon God. Does that describe your life, as you read these words?” …

then she asks this question “If God withdrew from you from your church, from your ministry, what difference would it make?”

So maybe it’s just me, but this hit me hard, really hard, I’ve been uprooted from my church, from my ministry in Wilmington, and now I’m here. Did it make a difference in my walk with God? Oh you betcha. Since I’ve been here I’ve started to realize how faint my trust was in the Lord, how I trusted in people, in comforts, in materials, in familiarity, self reliance, pride, skill-sets and really God says, “blessed are the poor in spirit (those who fully depend on me) for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” This made me realize the depths of sin that I haven’t even known were there till now.

I’ve only been here 3 weeks and already I feel like this is going to be a big change year. In my life and in my heart. Lucky for you, I have a blog and I can share with you whats going on.

If this resonated with you in anyway, I’d love to know. Feel free to email me.