Today was the 10th anniversary and birthday celebration of Port City Community Church, so of course we celebrated with some mariachi, a rap, party hats, balloons, and some cardboard. It was incredible! There are pictures and some more videos to come, but I wanted to leave you with this…

Goin’ Back 10 Years from PC3 on Vimeo.

I suppose I don’t have much to contribute on the subject of the Spirit, other than to recognize and point out the fact that the way that we describe Him, is what He is – Holy. I guess I’ve sort of taken that for granted and almost considered it to be His first name – Holy, last name Spirit. Of course, this is silly, and Holy here is an adjective and a noun.

From reading, Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan, I’ve realized that I’ve somewhat boxed the Spirit in. Now, mind you, I’m only through chapter 3 and have 4 more to go before this book is closed.

A few things that strike me from reading this book is that the way I “see” the Spirit is due to my walk early on. I’ve been bruised pretty deeply by going through years of reciting a small booklet with the word, “Satisfied?” emblazened across the center. And upon flipping the book over you see the word, “Satisfied.” Just a bit of punctuation, but I think at this point in my life I can say has given me the wrong understanding of who the Holy Spirit is. As if, MY SATISFACTION had anything to do with it. I understand though the famous quote,

“God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him”

Being satisfied IN God, is so very different than getting what I want (I’ve learned over my 29 years that these are two totally different things.

Now, let me say that I am not bashing this booklet or the organizations that choose to use said booklet, I am however, stating that this booklet did not teach me all I ever needed to know about living a life dedicated and submitted to the Holy Spirit.

While going through chapter 3 of Chan’s book, I came across this bulleted list that hit me as surprisingly refreshing and freeing, maybe just seeing things put a different way, or reading them back to back, not sure, regardless I feel enlivened to these truths and wanted to share them with you here to encourage your hearts. “… but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrew 10:25

Here is that list:

• The Spirit helps us speak when we are in precarious situations and need to bear witness (Mark 13:11; Luke 12:12)
• The Counselor teaches and reminds us of what we need to know and remember. He is our comforter, our advisor, our encourager, and our strength. He guides us in the way we should go (Ps. 143:10; John 14-16; Acts 9:31; 13:2;15:28; 1 Cor 2:9-10; 1 John 5:6-8).
• From the Spirit we receive power to be God’s witness to the ends of the earth. It is the Spirit who draws people to the gospel, the Spirit who equips us with the strength we need to accomplish God’s purposes. The Holy Spirit not only initially draws people to God, He also draws believers closer to Jesus (Acts 1:8; Rom 8:26; Eph. 3:16-19).
• By the power of the Spirit we put to death the misdeeds of the body. The Spirit sets us free from the sins we cannot get rid of on our own. This is a lifelong process we entered into, in partnership with the Spirit, when we first believed (e.g., Rom 8:2).
• Through the Spirit we have received a spirit of adoption as children, which leads us into intimacy with the Father, instead of a relationship based on fear and slavery. The Spirit bears witness to us that we are His children.
• The Holy Spirit convicts people of sin. He does this both before we initially enter into right relationship with God and as we journey through this life as believers (John 16:7-11; 1 Thess 1:5).
• The Spirit brings life and freedom. Where the Spirit is, there is freedom, not bondage or slavery. In our world that is plagued with death, this is a profound truth that points to real hope (Rom 8:10-11; 2 Cor 3:17).
• By the power of the Holy Spirit we abound with hope because our God is a God of hope, who fills His children with all joy and peace (Rom 15:13).
• As members of God’s kingdom community, each of us is given a manifestation of the Spirit in our lives for the purpose of the common good. We all have something to offer because of what the Spirit gives us (1 Cor 12:7).
• The fruit of being led by the Spirit includes love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These attitudes and actions will characterize our lives as we allow ourselves to be grown and molded by the Spirit. The Spirit is our sanctifier (2 Cor. 3:18; Gal.5:22-23).

It felt so good to type those – to be liberated by the Spirit is freedom, indeed! I’m praying that my life will reflect the deepness and holiness of the Spirit, as I continue to walk with God – and praying that yours will as well.

I know that this is word – “provision” is so easily tossed around, but I feel like it’s been the theme of my song. I’ve seen God provide in ways I didn’t know He would/could/wanted to…

I’m thankful for the way He’s made a way for Jeremy and I to live in Wilmington, the way He seemingly restored my transmission and the way He’s providing for itty bitty wedding details – and bigger ones, financially, and in many other areas. I stand in awe.

I was reflecting on His provision, trying to sum it up in a few short adjectives. I came up with these.

God’s provision is complete, thorough, and perfect.

I’ve seen God provide in ways that I didn’t understand and later came to realize…that without me doing anything, God does provide. Trusting God is a whole other ball game, but it’s beautiful and brings peace.

Are you trusting God for provision or are you relying on your own strengths?

I’ve been alone all day. It’s been good, different- really. Refreshing to be alone with just my thoughts, to take a nap in the middle of the day, to go to the grocery store in spend as much time as I’d like there. To meander through Target on my own clock. To play with my new twitter background.

Being engaged is an odd time, though I think it helps me deal with some real issues that I’m faced with. I’ve been single for quite some time -(single here means not married) and I loved it! I am so thankful for the time I got to go overseas (many-a time), I got to enjoy single life making new friends, moving to a place of which I wasn’t familiar (several times). And now, another unknown -marriage! We’re reading up in a marriage book that helps us walk through different topics like Money, Conflict, Sex (yes, even that), and Family. It does help, but I realize that I won’t know what it’s like till I get there.

If you’re single don’t mope, be glad you have this time, but also know that when he or she does come along it might send a shock through your system. It has been a big adjustment for me to learn how to live with someone else alongside of me (and he lives 2 hours away). I’ve got to get used to having someone else around – and learning to put him first! It’s not the easiest thing because it reveals my selfishness through it all.

I’m enjoying it too, though. It’s nice to have Jeremy around. His opinion is so helpful often. His ways are so gentle. He is caring and loves me in a different way than I’ve ever been loved before.

Being alone though, is a state of mind. There are many people who are married now who feel alone, for one reason or another, may that never be Jeremy and I. I pray that God unifies us and bonds us together in love, so that the space between is measured in love.

You can’t hope in marriage to satisfy you, cause it won’t. Just like a new shirt won’t. Even a new tv, it won’t.

Let’s put our hope, our trust, our everything in the Lord.

We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. Psalm 33:20

Today has been fueled by my time in the Word (Colossians kicked my tail) this morning. I usually don’t sense it like I did today – but I did.

It’s an awareness, a presence, a reality of God’s holiness, His spirit – in me, around me, in others. It’s better than the alternative.

Are you fueled?

I woke up this morning earlier than usual for me on a Saturday morning, it was somewhere around 7am. I made breakfast.

It’s such a pretty day – it’s so bright out, green. I am contemplating going to the beach, knowing that time to read and journal is almost the most therapeutic thing for me.
I’m in the midst of cutting back in my life. Praying about what things to stay involved in and what things I should just let go. These are not easy decisions.

In the midst of a lot of life changes, I think I need to anchor myself so solidly on the One who doesn’t change. His ways are pefect and everlasting. His ways at last even the hardest of my seasons.

This morning I got the opportunity to read about God’s jealousy for our hearts, for Isreal (His chosen). I am so amazed at how God continues to fulfill His covenants even when we’re adulterers to His namesake.

But, Isreal, why didn’t you pay attention? Why did you turn aside to other Gods? Why do I do the same thing? Awaken my heart, Lord. Let me not turn aside to false idols. I long to worship you with my life. To take a fresh approach.

Last night, I was reading in a Bridal magazine of all places, this,

When it comes to a wedding think of your guests as sheep. They need to be led.

The last sentence qualifies the first, and makes it much less insulting.

Then this morning, I flip open a book I’ve been trudging through since June, and it’s about this very topic, sheep. The title of today’s lesson, “The Lord is my Shepherd”

Now if you’re like me, you perhaps have Psalm 23 memorized and you know that these words are meaningful. But that’s the annoying thing with my walk, things get too mundane and I don’t stop to even realize what I’m saying and believing. Today, I took a closer look.

Psalm 23 opens like this, “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.”

You shall not want? What David? Really? Not even a new staff? Or a new gate? Or some new tunics?

But as I was reminded this morning, “God designed us as we are so that we would see our need of Him. In Him, we find all that we need.” -Kay Arthur

But yet, I don’t think I do find all that I need in God, I think I tend to try to find it everywhere else, even in friendships, my parents, my job, my roles, etc…

But, I was reminded, I am so much like a sheep, I need to be led.

Kay Arthur writes;

Sheep are the dumbest of amimals. They are helpless, timid, and feeble. They require constant attention and meticulous care. Sheep have little means of self defense.

I find so much reality in that, I need so much care, I need attention. But, I’m seeking it in the wrong places all the time.

But this is reality;

If sheep do not have the constant care of a shepherd, they will go the wrong way, unaware of the dangers at hand. They have been known to nibble themselves right off a mountainside. They will overgraze the same land and run out of food unless the shepherd leads them to new pastures. If they are not led to proper pastures, they will obliviously eat or drink things that are disastrous to them. Sheep easily fall prey to predators, and when they do, they are virtually deenseless. Sheep can also become cast down and, in that state panic and die. And so, because sheep are sheep, they need shepherds to care for them.

-Kay Arthur, Beloved: From God’s Heart to Yours

I see so much of myself in that! In need of a shepherd to lead me, to keep me safe from predators, to prevent me from falling off the mountain, to keep me away from danger, to prevent me from being “cast down.”

Have you ever heard the phrase,

I’m just going through the motions?

I ask because I’m there, right now. This week has kicked my tail, my schedule isn’t rigorous, but it’s invasive. It requires introspection and it requires my heart to be engaged fully on a daily basis – it’s exhausting.

Ever since I’ve been back in America I haven’t felt fully myself, and I suppose I never really will. This isn’t very comforting, because I’m living in America right now, and quite frankly, I’d like to feel like myself again.

I know I keep bringing this up, and I hope it isn’t overwhelming to you, dear reader, but it seems to reoccur in my heart.

I’m going through the motions, and I’m admitting it. I’m a small group leader, an advocate, and I work at a church. I meet with people sometimes one – on – one, but God knows it is only by his grace that I am able to pour out anything.

I’ve been trying to draw from the past – from where I’ve been, specifically last year. Because, I figured out how to walk with God where I was (overseas) last year. But, I have not figured out how to do it now, where I am, right now.

I’m doing the right things. I’m praying, even reading my Bible, journaling, but I feel a solid disconnect between me and God.

I was encouraged tonight by a dear friend to keep going, to keep pushing through, that it is in these times that I am able to show God that my relationship with Him is not emotionally based. Just because I don’t “feel” like having a quiet time doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t have one.

I don’t know I suppose blogging is a way of verbally processing for me, I don’t think anyone really would want to sit down with me and help hash this through, but I am thinking through some things, and asking God somethings, and knowing that I need to put a few things in place that just aren’t – ie a mentor – someone to speak truth into my life.

You can pray for me. I’m not in desperation as this season has been a long one – and it’s not to say I haven’t had a “good quiet time” it’s just that nothing is consistent and on the whole I don’t feel like I am connecting with God.

Have you ever had this issue, and if so, what did you do?

a spring cleaning type of day. a walk around the block. a clean up of old posts. a revamping day. a rearranging of furniture day. a reading, and rethinking day. a new day.

reminds me of how good it is to be alive. of how good it is to be able to take that next breath. i think we forget, how great it is to live and breathe and walk, and make friendships, to be able to read and think and enjoy the taste of caramel, milk, espresso, over ice.

so often i only find the things to complain about, things i wish were different and i don’t really look on my life with contentment.

this. reminds me. of myoneword, which has not yet debuted publicly, but has come up in several conversations with friends. my one word this time around is “fresh.” why? well, so often life to me appears stale, it’s the monotony, the same thing repeated, the non-excitement, the lack of new, on any level. and so, i’ve committed to view things anew, from a fresh point of view. i want to come at my daily, my job, my life, my friendships, my family, the way i worship, with a freshness, that can only be supplied from the Creator – who made all things new.

i’m excited to enter into 2009 through the lense of freshness. it seems appropriate and life-giving.

i’m off now, for a walk around the block, to breathe in the air, to experience life away from the computer.