Jer and I  just got back from a marriage conference on love & respect, based on the book Love & Respect. This was not your typical marriage conference, there were singles there, (gasp!) Principles were taught that anyone could benefit from hearing, regardless of your situation, married, single, widowed, divorced, separated, dating, engaged…

The whole thing is based on two simple principles.

LOVE EMPOWERS a husband to energize his wife

RESPECT EMPOWERS a wife to energize her husband

Bottom line: unless we embrace these concepts we’ll find ourselves caught in the crazy cycle.

If we find ourselves stuck in this pattern, there is hope.

It was 9 hours of content. Straight up. Good stuff. The conference was held at the Holiday Inn Sunspree at Wrightsville Beach, it was so lovely there with this beautiful weather that it was hard to go inside for the conference.

Afterwards we had lunch at David’s Deli in Lumina Station and then went to the library book sale. More on that to come.

I know I shouldn’t do a “happy valentine’s day” post. The mixed emotions on valentine’s day are almost more than religion or politics. But let’s face it, we’re all victims of commercialization, of assigned meaning, of pink and red candy hearts, and store displays (that whopped us in the face the day after Christmas!)

Assigned meaning? Yes. What I mean by that is, this is just a day, a beautiful one in fact, sunshine is streaming in my window as I write. (this fact alone is enough to celebrate even if you don’t celebrate this Hallmark day) The reason that this day brings baggage with it is what we’ve done to ourselves, it’s our own fault.

Valentine’s Day has often been criticised as just an excuse for consumerism, an opportunity for businesses. Consequently, the well-meaning tradition of sending Valentine cards has also been unfairly stained by cynics everywhere, as if it is Hallmark’s fault that people are only sending cards perfunctorily, without thought at all, but just to get over the holiday. Indeed, Valentine’s Day is the second largest card-exchanging holiday next to Christmas, making Hallmark the unmistakable industry leader. – The Not so Mushy Statistics

I once read a statistic that more break ups occur on or around Valentine’s day than any other day! How about that for the day of love. And for those that are happily in a relationship, this day brings about a weird pressure. We’re supposed to celebrate our love? More than any other day? I’m just not sure exactly how Hallmark wants me to do that.

Here are some more interesting Valentine’s day statistics:

• 85% of all Valentine cards are bought by women.

• 73% of flowers are bought by men, and only 27% are by women.

• Chocolate and candy sales reach profits of $1,011 billion during Valentines.

• Approximately one in four Americans do not celebrate the holiday at all. And 15% of American women (and even men) send flowers to themselves on Valentine’s Day.

But the more realistic, and what happened to me was, yesterday, in a store, I glanced at the flowers, and glanced at Jeremy and he said, “you want flowers?” And we left with flowers. I think we bought them together. With our joint checking account. Which category does that fall into?

In the end, I’m happy about an occasion that promotes the consumption of chocolate hearts and other confectionery treats.

I’m also excited about the fact that, the day after valentine’s all of these treats are on sale for 50-75% off. That’s something to be glad about.

Also, this free music from amazon. Who could pass that up?

So, suck it up, celebrate the good things. Go out for fondue, or don’t. But don’t be bitter, it’s the most unattractive quality you could possess.

There are lots of things in life that require discipline. Losing weight, running a race, studying for an exam, reaching any kind of goal requires this kind of intensity that is rare. I’ve found, not many people have it, or if they do it lasts only a short while.

Recently, Jeremy and I went to a Dave Ramsey event in Raleigh, NC. (I think I promised on facebook that I would blog about the event and break it down further, I can still do that if anyone is interested). The main topic was Dave’s 13 week financial peace program condensed into one 5-hour day. Although a lot of the things he talked about Jeremy and I have both heard before it was great to hear it again and have it ingrained. One thing he mentioned was that he can always tell the people who get it, there is something in their voice, they are determined, and they are going for it. Sadly, I know what he’s talking about… some people do not get it, and won’t until the time is right, perhaps when they are desperate.

Then he shows this video of this gazelle grazing, peacefully in the wild, and a cheetah comes along and tries to track it down. I’ve seen this video twice and both times I’ve watched it, I’ve gotten chills.

Just thinking of outrunning our debt, getting ahead, even in spite of such adversity. It was a goal, we were motivated. Really motivated. For a few months in a row we spent over half of our monthly income on Sallie Mae payments.

We finally felt victory. Last Friday, we made it, we’re DEBT FREE! An amazing accomplishment! We’ve cut up and cancelled all of our credit cards, we’ve sacrificed, stretching our dollar. We’ve dumpster dived for coupons (Jer more than I). We’ve cut the excess. We’ve learned to live simply. But, why does it matter that we’re now out of debt? This has come up in our small group, often, especially in light of the recent series at our church.

It’s not rare that I get requests from missionaries in the field wanting us to support them, or a friend participates in a fundraiser for a cause she believes in, or an emergency happens… (Murphy’s law states that they will happen when you’re emergency fund is not fully funded) but more than that, we’d like to be at that point where we could fully fund a mission trip for a friend, or give for a cause, whatever it is, we believe God has purposes for our money that reaches far beyond incurring more interest against us.

So now that we’re debt free, we’re onto baby step 3, 3-6 months expenses for a fully funded emergency fund. I realize this is not going to be easy, especially now that we’ve reached that ever-so amazing goal of debt-freeness!

To keep us accountable, Jer and I have decided to lead financial peace in our home starting in November. If you are interested let me know. Furthermore, if you are interested in gaining control of your money, but you don’t know where to start, I’d love to talk to you about it. Jeremy and I are available to talk with you about our journey and how these baby steps truly have changed our lives.

That’s amazing, that tiny phrase amongst other nuggets of wisdom. Here is how it is said in the Message:

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. (Phil 4:7)

But what’s most amazing about it, is when it’s lived. When you see that there is a peace that can surpass understanding altogether. Meaning, don’t try to get it, cause you won’t be able to. Just trust.

Jeremy and I started in Financial Peace about 5 weeks ago, and now, not only do we feel like we now have a better handle on our budget and where our dollars are going, we also feel like there is a Peace that now exists in our household. If you’ve followed our story, you know that we’ve been married close to 8 months (we know it’s not long, we’re not bragging) and we’ve had our share of trying to figure out finances on our own,  something just didn’t click.

We needed another authority, we needed community, we needed the Church (big C).

If you’ve followed my blog or twitter for any amount of time, you know that I love coffee, especially the kind that is prepared in little cafe’s that I can sit and read, journal, and work in. There’s something about it. Well, one of the things that had to be trimmed down, was inevitably my coffee budget, I knew it was coming, I fought it hard those first 5 months of our marriage. I was used to buying what I wanted when I wanted and I knew that was all about to change. Then it did.

I have a meager coffee budget of $20 a month (if you’re not a coffee drinker, you cannot understand the significance of this number). An iced caramel macchiato at Starbucks (my fave) is close to $5. A latte of any kind is atleast $4, and the list goes on. How would I make it a whole month on 4 coffee drinks? I prayed, (maybe I shouldn’t have) for coffee gift cards at Christmas time, and got several (it almost doubled my coffee budget for January!) but then February hit, what was I to do? Lucky for me, I had spent only $2 out of my coffee budget and my gift cards… then it hit me.

I’m doing it, just by having a budget, and knowing it, I’m sticking to it.

Now granted, I was still going over a little bit, I mean, a teensy, tiny bit, less than a dollar. Jeremy gently warned that I had still gone over. So that amount was subtracted from the next month. This month, I am in the envelope method, and I am only HALF WAY trough the month and my coffee money has depleted significantly. I have ,$2.37 left in my coffee budget for the next 15 days. I guess I need to figure out a way to ration better next month.

But then, God reminds me ever so gently how he’s providing for me.

• Starbucks has free coffee today if you bring in a travel mug.
• Port City Java has continually hooked me up with free coffee recently from facebook and from the Twestival. (Did I mention PCJ is amazing? They make such a difference in the community, too!)

I need to remember these things, because there will be more. He is providing and He will, even in the small things, even in the trivial coffee budget things, He cares about us and gives us peace that surpasses understanding.

Those interested in learning more about financial peace, here is the introductory video

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLX3wUY1xGg&feature=related[/youtube]

it’s being offered at Port City Community Church:

• 06/13 – 07/04/10 | Financial Peace Registration Begins – Sundays in the Lobby
• 07/14/10 | Financial Peace small groups begin meeting @ 6:30pm in The Living Rooms

Hop on this, it will change your life.

Jer and I just back last weekend from a trip to the Dominican Republic for our honeymoon! We loved the trip to this tropical spanish land! We learned about the Dominica and Saona Island (for a day trip). It was so much fun.

I have a couple of slideshows loaded into flickr that we’d like to share with you.

The first is of the resort and the first three days of the honeymoon, the second is of Saona Island.

Punta Cana:

Saona Island:

I will add pictures of wedding week and blog about the whole wedding experience soon. But for now, just know that Jer and I are doing well and loving our first (almost) 2 weeks of married life! It is a process learning to live, work, and play together but one that I am enjoying thoroughly.

blog post I’ll write (on here) as a single woman. As Kelly Cain. My blog’s name will stay the same, though, so don’t fret all of you RSS readers out there.

I’m not quite so sure why I’m awake – I’m ridiculously tired, but awoke this AM at 5, and just haven’t been able to go back to sleep since. I’ve tried, believe me, I want to sleep. My mind is overloaded currently with details, ribbons, paper, and fonts, guest lists, volunteer lists, nametags and flowers. While, these are by no means bad things to think about, I wonder if my mind or my body could handle much more of this pace and amount of information.

In just 2 weeks, I’ll be Kelly Smith. Just yesterday I joked that if “I have to put on a white dress and have everyone stare at me so that Jeremy and I can live in the same town, then so be it!” We’re excited and ready to not have to say “bye” every 5 days. These past few weeks have been strange really – I haven’t known how to cope with the goodbyes as frequent as they were, and the hellos as infrequent as they seemed to be.

In the past few weeks it’s as if God is giving me some treasured time with some friends that I haven’t seen in so long! On the way to Emily’s wedding, I met up with Holden and Michael and got to meet their brand new baby boy (and his monkey rug) Whitt! That night Jeremy and I stayed with Renn and Roger in Kannapolis (right outside of Charlotte) before heading to Emily and Thad’s wedding on Sunday! I cannot say enough how great it was to see these precious friends from college! It was so good tor reconnect and get to catch up on life! When I came back to Wilmington I got to see my sweet friend Lindsey who labored in Slovakia all last year with her stint team. A few days later I was hanging out with Jeanette, another dear friend from college, whom life and distances have kept us from seeing each other for over 2 years! With most of these friends, I had not seen them in at least a year, most of them 2 years, and some of them even longer! But, oh how sweet it was to reconnect and to be able to see them before the wedding festivities!

There seem to be so many life changes around me as well that I haven’t hardly had a chance to fully comprehend babies born, engagements galore (tis the season), and weddings. It’s a busy time, a good time! I have much to be thankful for! And this is perhaps the last blog post I’ll write for awhile, well at least till after the wedding and honeymoon, we’re 10 days away!

I have this little audio clip from Alistair Begg that Jeremy sent me days after we met. So interesting that now I will be marrying the guy that sent me a clip titled “How to Avoid Marital Failure.” Nonetheless, these little nuggets of wisdom ring so true to me that I thought I’d share them with the blog world.

Before Alistair launches into his main clip about marriage, he first addresses the single population, speaking very highly of them, challenging them to pray for the marriages around them. That God uses singles to minister to marrieds more often than you might think.

Here are the ways to avoid marital failure according to Alistair Begg:

1.Do not be so foolish as if to maintain as if it could not happen to you.

2.Do not allow the business of life to disguise neglect

3.Don’t make the mistake of taking each other for granted

4.Be daily in prayer for the health of your marriage and the harmony of your home

5.Be sacrificial in the expression of your love for each other

6.Be imaginative, daring and occassionaly extravagant in displaying your affection (he adds righteousness is not a synonym for boring)

7.Be sure you don’t use your children as the glue that holds you or the wedge that separates you.

8.Be ruthless in resisting anyone and anything that will draw your affections from each other.

9.Be ready to listen to and ready to speak about whats going on inside each other’s heads.

10.Be certain that a great marriage is possible with divine enabling and human effort.

11.Be aware of how quickly time is passing and seize the day.

Audio below:

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Thoughts?